The Biz-nitch

Kima's Life

2010-10-01T12:03:00.000-07:00

Mary and I's dog now has a blog.

http://keemdream.blogspot.com

X-nay on the Ottled Waterbay

2010-07-29T22:53:00.000-07:00

Via: Term Life Insurance

Make Believe Trailer

2010-06-02T13:50:00.001-07:00

Tiger Commercial

2010-04-09T12:45:00.000-07:00

I give two craps about Tiger, but when Colbert used soundbites from one of my favorite movies (Young Frankenstein) to parody his new commercial... I wept with laughter.

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/270035/april-08-2010/tiger-s-nike-commercial

YOU. ARE. GOOD!

Farm Fresh

2010-01-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

Mary and I just signed up for local organic fruits and vegetables to be delivered right to our door! It's called Farm Fresh To You, and for only $25 a week you get a fresh delivery of organic veggies. We got a taste of some Farm Fresh food at a friend's house last weekend and it was crazy good and cheap enough that we can afford it. Also, after watching Food Inc. over the holiday's it made me never want to go to a supermarket again.
Just thought I would pass along this find.

So You Think Your Robot Can Dance

2009-12-01T10:42:00.000-08:00

Before the Robots entirely take over our planet and turn us into organic batteries to power their intergalactic domination, they will first win all of our reality dance competition shows.

Here is a link to the full article on the Robot Dance Competition held in Japan.

On a related note, the development of "ROS," or Robot Operating System, is in full effect. It is the MSDOS of the emerging robot world. Basically, it is the standardization of computer language that can be used to develop robot functions. As WIRED magazine put it, it allows programmers to swap apps between the Mars Rover and your Roomba. Just what I need, my Roomba sending photos of me playing video games in my boxers to NASA.

"I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do. " - HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey

All in the Game

2009-11-17T11:05:00.000-08:00

10 min of the best show on television that no one saw.

If you haven't seen the WIRE, stop watching this and go to blockbuster/netflix right now.

My Man Perriello

2009-11-13T18:32:00.000-08:00

Tom Perriello makes me proud to call him a friend of my family, and a Congressional representative of my hometown. This small article on Huffpo profile's his "radical" statement that he "didn't come to Congress to get reelected," in the wake of his recent vote for the Health Care Bill.

Give em hell Tom.

Got a No-No Going

2009-11-13T13:04:00.000-08:00

Here is a hilarious video of a true baseball story from the 70's.

via Mac

You Can't Touch This Monkey

2009-09-08T12:35:00.000-07:00

Dave Vontesmar, you are my hero.
Dave got so upset by all of the security cameras at stoplights on his way to work that he started driving with a monkey mask on. Now the police are left holding their sack, with 37 tickets and $6500 worth of "revenue" to make up for. The police currently have Dave under surveillance in order to catch him putting his monkey mask on in order to enforce the tickets. I have a better idea...
Stop being the most annoying people on earth and do your job catching real criminals.

link via Huffpo

Panorama Photos

2009-09-03T16:37:00.000-07:00

Here are a few Pano photos I have taken on my iphone recently.

Rehab Club Pool at the Hard Rock in Vegas:

Milt Larsen's, Founder of the Magic Castle, basement.

LA Galaxy game, with Mary fading back to the future.

Cheap Trick concert.

Top Ten D-Bag

2009-08-31T13:21:00.000-07:00

Top Ten Ways to Know if You are a Douchebag:

10. You wear anything made by Ed Hardy.
9. Your wallet chain got stuck on the door handle of your truck.
8. You wear your sunglasses on the back of your head.
7. You pull up your ankle socks all the way while wearing Dickies shorts.
6. Your date rape didn't go exactly as planned.
5. You've been to more than one Def Leppard concert in 5 years.
4. You use hairspray for your feaux-hawk.
3. You have a bumper sticker of a beer brand on your car.
2. You have a colored tattoo of a rose anywhere on your body.
1. You own at least one can of Ax Body Spray.

The Best Show on Television

2009-08-28T18:17:00.000-07:00

In the category of things that are so bad that they are mind blowingly amazing:

My favorite part is 50 sec in when they have a shot of Seagal running.

It Has Begun

2009-07-29T18:18:00.000-07:00

The first, of many, ROBOT ATTACKS.

Cult Art

2009-07-20T10:54:00.001-07:00

Amazing website of some amazing art. I want... most of it.
Crazy4cult.com

Japan photos

2009-06-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

I thought I would post a few photos from Japan on here to show how amazing the trip was. We are in the process of making a iphoto book out of the almost 1800 pictures we took in 10 days. Until I figure out a way to post my own web gallery, here is a tiny taste.

Twumping the Twark

2009-05-11T11:08:00.000-07:00

No one in my family will understand this post but...
I'm kind of getting sick of Twitter. I saw this on Huffpo today and it made me laugh out loud, so I thought I would share:

Facebook isn't far away either...

Shot Heard Round the World

2009-05-11T02:46:00.000-07:00

I brought my newest toy, the Flip MinoHD camera, to a party on Saturday night. It was my friend Mary Elizabeth's birthday, and the theme was "re-invent yourself." Naturally, I went as James Bond.
I decided to bring my pellet gun with me in case I ran into someone who re-invented themselves as someone who plans to destroy the world. It turned out to be a good decision.

Here is a video that I filmed of me shooting the cup out of John's hand. M would have been so proud.

Three Squared

2009-05-06T13:55:00.000-07:00

For the two readers of this blog that are not in my immediate family, here is the link to my cousin Dane's new online store.
THREE SQUARED
He is an artist and his paintings are rad. Check out his store and support creativity!!!

Vincent vs. Gouguin

2009-05-05T14:00:00.000-07:00

According to two German art history scholars, Van Gogh wasn't as crazy as we all think. New theories have surfaced that the deranged painter did not cut off his own ear, but that his friend/nemesis Paul Gouguin sliced it off with a sword.

Regardless, I think we should let Van Gogh keep the title of "madman" as he did attack someone who was brandishing a SWORD.

McDonald's New Commercial

2009-05-03T22:57:00.000-07:00

Man, times are really tough right now. There is a giant portion of our country that has lost its retirement and have been forced to head back to work. Just check out McDonald's new ad.

Columbine Photos

2009-04-22T11:53:00.000-07:00

While I was in Littleton, CO we ended up going to the 10 yr. anniversary of the Columbine shootings. Using my new favorite iphone app, Pano, I took some photos on what was a beautiful and sad day.

Hawaii Friday

2009-03-13T19:50:00.000-07:00

In honor of Hawaiian shirt Friday, and my parents heading to the islands in a few days, we made a video today.

Friday Night Hula from Darrin Roberts on Vimeo.

Forest Gump in 1 Minute

2009-03-09T22:04:00.001-07:00

Pretty Good.

99 things you should have seen

2009-02-25T17:39:00.001-08:00

Greg Rutter put together a list of 99 things you should have seen on the internet.
This list is a complete time suck, but it is amazing.
Below is my favorite of the day:

Enjoy, and I'll see you on the other side.

Manakin

2009-02-21T21:43:00.000-08:00

Been freaked out lately? Just in case:

Movie Book Covers

2009-02-06T11:19:00.000-08:00

I thought I would share some of these amazing re-imagined book covers with you...

The "I Can Read Book Series" is a bunch of movie posters set as book covers from the 60's. These are two of my favorite:

Cartoon of the Day

2009-02-04T11:56:00.000-08:00

The idea of "smoking Risk" seems incredibly ironic.

PRODUCTIVITY!

2009-02-04T11:14:00.001-08:00

As I am pulling some long hours at work right now, I thought I would inform everyone on foods to boost productivity with this chart:

Oddly enough, my top three didn't make the diagram, as they are 101-103.

101. Coffee
102. Red Vines
103. Iced Coffee

Boobs, Butt or Baby

2009-01-27T18:01:00.001-08:00

Ready to waste 2 minutes of your day?

Click here to play the game at LiquidGeneration.com

LEONIDAS

2009-01-23T10:18:00.000-08:00

Jolins,
I apologize if you find this offensive, but I promised some people to do this Photoshop job as soon as there was some new baby pictures.
Baby Leonidas, THIS IS SPARTA!!!!

iPHONE Photos

2009-01-22T16:28:00.000-08:00

Here is a link to all the photos I have taken with my iphone over the last year:
PHOTOS

I always forget to send these out to people so I thought I would create this web page for convenience.

Hole Foods

2009-01-16T09:58:00.000-08:00

Here are two photos I took with my iphone yesterday.

I saw this picture of Muhammad at a local camera store while renting some equipment.

This is a picture of a bottle of coconut flavored water at Whole Foods that cost $13. Any drink over $10 that doesn't either A) have booze in it, or B) augment my manhood - isn't worth the money.

Wingsuit Base Jumping

2009-01-14T23:12:00.000-08:00

Ever wanted to put on some oversized adult footy pajamas and jump off a cliff? Me neither, but it still looks bad ass.

wingsuit base jumping from Ali on Vimeo.

BUSHISMS

2009-01-14T09:29:00.000-08:00

Jacob Weisberg has been compiling "Bushisms" for Slate magazine since 1999. Here is his list of his 25 favorites, and a link to the full list here.

1. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."—Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

2. "I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family."—Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

3. "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"—Florence, S.C., Jan. 11, 2000

4. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."—Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

5. "Neither in French nor in English nor in Mexican."—declining to answer reporters' questions at the Summit of the Americas, Quebec City, Canada, April 21, 2001

6. "You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.''—Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

7. "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the secretary of defense."—Washington, D.C., April 18, 2006

8. "See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda."—Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

9. "I've heard he's been called Bush's poodle. He's bigger than that."—discussing former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, as quoted by the Sun newspaper, June 27, 2007

10. "And so, General, I want to thank you for your service. And I appreciate the fact that you really snatched defeat out of the jaws of those who are trying to defeat us in Iraq."—meeting with Army Gen. Ray Odierno, Washington, D.C., March 3, 2008

11. "We ought to make the pie higher."—South Carolina Republican debate, Feb. 15, 2000

12. "There's an old saying in Tennessee—I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee—that says, fool me once, shame on—shame on you. Fool me—you can't get fooled again."—Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

13. "And there is distrust in Washington. I am surprised, frankly, at the amount of distrust that exists in this town. And I'm sorry it's the case, and I'll work hard to try to elevate it."—speaking on National Public Radio, Jan. 29, 2007

14. "We'll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers."—Houston, Sept. 6, 2000

15. "It's important for us to explain to our nation that life is important. It's not only life of babies, but it's life of children living in, you know, the dark dungeons of the Internet."—Arlington Heights, Ill., Oct. 24, 2000

16. "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."—U.S. News & World Report, Jan. 3, 2000

17. "People say, 'How can I help on this war against terror? How can I fight evil?' You can do so by mentoring a child; by going into a shut-in's house and say I love you."—Washington, D.C., Sept. 19, 2002

18. "Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness."—CNN online chat, Aug. 30, 2000

19. "I'm looking forward to a good night's sleep on the soil of a friend."—on the prospect of visiting Denmark, Washington, D.C., June 29, 2005

20. "I think it's really important for this great state of baseball to reach out to people of all walks of life to make sure that the sport is inclusive. The best way to do it is to convince little kids how to—the beauty of playing baseball."—Washington, D.C., Feb. 13, 2006

21. "Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream."—LaCrosse, Wis., Oct. 18, 2000
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22. "You know, when I campaigned here in 2000, I said, I want to be a war president. No president wants to be a war president, but I am one."—Des Moines, Iowa, Oct. 26, 2006

23. "There's a huge trust. I see it all the time when people come up to me and say, 'I don't want you to let me down again.' "—Boston, Oct. 3, 2000

24. "They misunderestimated me."—Bentonville, Ark., Nov. 6, 2000

25. "I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office."—Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

Name That Metal Band

2009-01-13T13:08:00.000-08:00

For all my metal fans out there, check out this amazing diagram via Darrin and Comic vs. Audience.

I love that there is an "Umlauts" category.

The Decider

2009-01-12T11:25:00.000-08:00

Today was George Bush's last official press conference as president. Here is a link to some video highlights and transcripts.

I had a very strange emotional reaction while watching this morning... empathy. I guess this is sort of what the movie "W." or the book "Bush on the Couch" are trying to express to some extent. Bush is a spoiled, rich idiot that was in way over his head. But I can no more so blame an idiot for reaching for the highest achievements he can as someone more intelligent that I looking down on my aspirations. Bush's crooked logic and misdirections to the American people seem unforgivable at first glance, but really, he was just too simple minded to not be manipulated by the people around him. As the sock puppet leaves office I feel more disdain for VP Cheney (who now admits to waterboarding), Rumsfeld for colluding with Cheney to carry out there 20 yr mission to replace Saddam at whatever cost, and Karl Rove for his Jim Henson-like ability to control all the Muppets in Washington.

I'm not trying to say that Bush doesn't carry any of the burden of the disasters of the last 8 years, I'm just trying not to be as angry about it these days. I still think that his presidential library should be in Disneyworld and that his face should be printed on Malboro dollars, but his personality is such that I don't truly hate him. His biggest mistake is not following Robert Downey Jr's advice from "Tropic Thunder"... "never go full retard."

14min 59sec

2009-01-09T11:13:00.000-08:00

On the eve of the inauguration I would like to say "Please GO AWAY!" to the following 15 minutes of fame for these idiot all stars:

Sarah Palin - No amount of crying class differences with Caroline Kennedy or a liberal media bias will distract America from actually get policy changed during the coming months. "Everyday she talks. Each word more meaningless than the last."

Joe the Plumber - Joe quit his day job and is now heading to Israel. He will be a war correspondent for Pajamas Media. As Jon Stewart said, "Is this a news story or a Madlib?"

and of course...
George W. Bush - Planning on sustaining your wealth by hitting the well endowed lecture circuit? Don't count on it. Elementary School graduations don't pay as well as you think, and no one wants to hear him fumble through a Shriner's Club dinner. Maybe he can setup his own little section at Bass Pro Shops, and teach customers about "bird-doggin'."

Daily Show Genius

2009-01-07T11:42:00.000-08:00

God I love the Daily Show sometimes. I actually smacked the table and guffawed at the end of this segment.

We are occasionally so far up Israel's political ass that we can't see the logic trees. How's that for a mashup of aphorisms and colloquialisms? Make sense? I didn't think so either.

It Was the Best of Jobs...

2009-01-06T00:05:00.000-08:00

The Wall St. Journal came out with a list of the best and worst jobs in today's climate. The good news is that "motion picture editor" made the top 20! The bad news is that technically a "Nuclear Decontamination Tech" is better than being a butcher. Also, parole officer is listed as the 14th best career path. Really?

#1 was Mathematician. The only way in which this is possible is if they are referring to the characters on Mathnet, from the Square One television show. They were brilliant.
In an "only in LA" moment, I met Joe Howard, or George Frankly from the show, while in my tax accountant's office last April. He worked at the accounting firm!

#200 Lumberjack. I thought the "Deadliest Catch" guys still had that claim to fame???

Rock Band Addiction

2009-01-05T11:51:00.000-08:00

Have I mentioned that my entire family is addicted to Rock Band?
These pictures were taken on the night of my parents 40th wedding anniversary. While we were at dinner I told my parents that John's cousin brought Rock Band with him, and that the Kneedler's would be rocking out all night. My mom's ears perked up and she giddily told my dad what the plans were for the rest of the evening.

I'd like to thank the Kneedler clan for both these pictures and also allowing the Tweel invasion of your basement.

Here is my dad doing his best Johnny Cash impersonation. High & tight.

Here is my mom doing her best Chuck Berry while I'm in pain bringing down the house singing "Simple Man" by Lynard Skynard. Jen on bass.

HUFFPO New Year Round-up

2009-01-05T10:48:00.000-08:00

Here is a round-up of the big (at least to me) stories on HUFFPO this first Monday in '09:

American's don't trust Israel's foreign policy - Apparently I'm not the only one who thought Bush was adopting Israel's foreign policy... and to disastrous results. More here as well.

Richardson pulls out, doesn't even use the rhythm method.

Franken the Victor! - Rush Limbaugh will have plenty to talk about now.

RIP Commissioner Gordon - "anonymous tip, Napier's cleaning out Axis chemicals." -"who's in charge?" -"Eckhart, sir." -"Oh good lord."

Elder Bush has 1,000 points of light in his retinas. Can't see the writing on the wall for the Bush legacy and wants Jeb to be president.

Thank God her jaw is still wired shut, cuz she is still a c*nt. Coulter hates Michelle Obama. Doctor's have now diagnosed the chip on Coulter's shoulder as her vagina.

Gun O'Clock

2009-01-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

My awesome girlfriend fulfilled my holiday wishes this year by getting me Gun O'clock. It is only out in Japan right now so her brother, who lives in Tokyo, brought it back for me. For those unfamiliar, it is an alarm clock that has a laser target on top. When the alarm goes off the target pops up and you have to shoot the bulls eye with a laser gun. There is nothing more satisfying than waking up to a game of laser tag!

It is so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend you pick one up.

2008-12-11T18:43:00.000-08:00

via Mark

I Read. Are You Impressed?

2008-12-11T14:09:00.000-08:00

Here is a story about how 1/2 of all men and 1/3 of all women try to impress the opposite sex by claiming to have read books that they have indeed not read. I laughed when I saw this headline because it always reminds me of something Mary told me a year or so after we dated. She claims to have been intrigued and impressed that I had two books on my nightstand the first time she saw my room. They were "1984" or George Orwell and "The Tipping Point" by Malcolm Gladwell. I then went on to say that I was re-reading 1984 and had just finished the Tipping Point and even cited some specific pop culture references. In all candor, I had just finished 1984 for THE FIRST TIME, and had only read the introduction of The Tipping Point. However, my ruse only worked for a short while as those two books stayed on my night stand for months and every other book Mary has ever referenced has been met with blank stares. She hasn't seen "Galaxy Quest" 5 times though. Maybe I should have gotten rid of my massive Shakespearean Cliff's Notes library before she started getting suspicious about all of my beautiful sonnets I sent her.

Morphing

2008-12-04T00:22:00.000-08:00

Here is a creepy little exercise in morphing:

Anybody else think that James Buchanan is a dead ringer for Anthony Hopkins? And William McKinley has the eyes of an Anti-Christ?

Prop 8: The Musical

2008-12-03T10:54:00.000-08:00

The crazy storm around Prop 8 has finally taken a turn towards the musical in this offering from Funny or Die.

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Old Joke

2008-11-25T12:18:00.000-08:00

To revive a joke from the 7th grade:
Dicksucker's Jaw - do you get it?
Well, apparently Ann Coulter does. God officially chose to give mankind a break and silence Coulter by breaking her jaw and having it wired shut. Not quite the Stephen Hawking status we had all hoped for, but it will do for now.

The Last Samurai

2008-11-24T00:22:00.000-08:00

And in the fake news; a man wielding two samurai swords was shot outside of a Scientology stronghold on Sunday. Apparently, Tom Cruise did not approve of the veiled reference to his filmography and had him shot on site.

The insane thing is everything is true except the Tom Cruise part. Check it.

Got Any Green?

2008-11-12T12:06:00.000-08:00

I saw Tom Friedman on television last week and I thought that he was quite poignant and intelligent. He was promoting his new book, "Hot, Flat and Crowded" about the revolutionary ways in which our society has to change in order to save this planet. Here is a link to an interview with him from the HuffPo.

Excerpt here:

DB: What about just the term "green" -- is it thrown around too much?

TF: My actual goal, as I say in the last chapter of the book, is to make the word disappear. That should be the goal of the green movement. It's not to drop the word green.

You'd come to me and say, "Hey, Tom, we're doing an interview with you for the Huffington Post and we've got a green camera" -- no, no. I want it to just be a camera and it's built to the most efficient power specifications, because no alternative would be possible.

"YES" We Can

2008-11-05T11:06:00.000-08:00

Last night the chants of "Yes We Can" officially changed to "Yes We Did!" It was a momentous occasion on so many levels that I'm not sure I can put it into words. I was so personally and emotionally invested in this presidential race that I still feel the adrenaline pumping through me the day after it is over.

I woke up 6AM yesterday, put on a button down shirt and tie, and headed to the polls to vote - the first time I have ever voted for president. (Apathy and cynicism have plagued me most of my life.) I waited in line for 2 hours to vote, then headed directly to a phone bank in Culver City with Mary to make calls for Obama. Within minutes of being there we were making calls to my home state of Virginia to remind people to vote and to ask if Obama was their choice. Mary's first call was to a 70 yr old woman who had no way of getting to the polls. Mary alerted an official at the phone bank, who called someone on the ground in VA, and a van was sent to this lady's house to get her to her polling place. It reminded me, as cheesy as it sounds, that one person truly can make a difference. To see what I feel is a core part of Obama's message actually put into action only made me more anxious for his victory.

Later in the evening, I went to Campanile to watch the results come in and have dinner. Something odd happened to me as I watched the evening unfold; I got a little emotional. For anyone that knows me, you can attest to how rarely this happens. Its not by choosing, but the only time I have cried in the last 5 yrs was at my grandfather's funeral. But last night, at some seemingly trivial moment (I think they projected Obama to win New Mexico) I started to tear up. I was so happy that someone who actually deserves the presidency was going to run the country that I had to sit in silence for a minute and compose myself.

As I think about it today, and to be completely honest with my 3 readers, I was not even thinking about the breaking down of racial barriers. The better candidate won, and to me that has not happened in 8 years. For 8 years I have felt cheated by, and ashamed of my country. In addition to that, I have been truly afraid of what might happen if McCain won. I realize that I should have been motivated by "hope" and "change," but unfortunately it was more like "fear" and "anger." If McCain won, I feared for the safety of America. If Sarah Palin was my vice president, I'm not sure I would ever have let go of my anger towards the American people for voting so ignorantly once again. I try to recognize my flaws whenever possible, and I'm fairly certain I can still put "unforgiving" in that column. My anger towards the deliberate folksy christian conservative political strategy could have left me depressed for months. To be that hostile towards something/someone is mostly exhausting. Therefore, the release of those feelings last night left me unexpectedly choked up.

The only down part of my evening last night was hearing the news that Prop 8 in CA was passed. This is the measure that banned gay marriages. At $74 million, it was "the most expensive social-issues campaign in U.S. history and the most expensive campaign this year outside the race for the White House." My visceral response to this news was a simple one: "Fuck you Mormons." Obviously not all Mormons are bad, just ones who run the church. Like most religions, the most fanatic and involved people tend to muck it up for everyone else. The Mormon church alone sank $25 million into getting this legislation passed. Their insanely prejudiced tv adds included many that said gay marriages would be taught to elementary school kids. They looked like updated clips from Reefer Madness. Sadly their marketing campaign worked. The two people I talked to in line at the polls where voting "Yes" on Prop 8 because they thought that gay marriage would be taught at schools to their children. Apparently just because there is separation between church and state doesn't mean that if a church has a lot of money that it can't inflict its backwards tenets on the public. My only consolation is that I would bet my life that legislation will be back on the ballet in 1 yr to allow gay marriages. Maybe this time we can get Ellen to do a 30 min. infomercial on 7 networks during primetime to get the job done.

Now that the political season is over, expect a lot more posts on nerdy games and gadgets and a lot less liberal discourse. It was fun, and I hope you all enjoyed my rants as much as I enjoyed writing them. OBAMA '12!!!

CA Prop Voting

2008-11-03T12:30:00.000-08:00

Here is a quick guide you can print out for the voting booth. Even if you disagree with the "suggestions", you can at least see which groups are for and against each Proposition.

For more information, please check here: http://www.voterguide.sos.ca.gov/

Al Franken vs. Holly-who?

2008-10-29T11:57:00.000-07:00

The senate race in Minnesota is a tight one between Al Franken and incumbent Norm Coleman. I must admit my bias here, as I am both A) a democrat, and B) a huge fan of Franken's. His book Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot: and Other Observations was one of my favorites growing up.

Based on his book titles alone, it should be obvious to everyone that Franken's brand of humor is deliberately scathing and bold. Therefore, it should be of no surprise that in a political race everything you have ever said is taken literally as your point of view on a certain subject. This is why Franken is being attacked by the Republicans who say he is crass, angry and someone to be FEARED. Just because his brand of humor utilizes these elements, perhaps except fear, doesn't mean that he actually means all of these things. I didn't actually think Michael J. Fox loved Reagan just because Alex P. Keaton did. The persona of Franken is not running for office the MAN is... but no one wants to here that.

In this campaign ad the RNC found the only few Republicans in "Hollywood" it could find to speak out against "one of their own." I use quotations for "Hollywood" as none of these celebrities have made it above the "C" list even in the height of their fame. Cliff Clavin, the craziest Baldwin brother, the bad guy from Goonies and the dumbest cast member from SNL - that's all you got? What about the Governator or anyone else that has been seen on tv in the last decade? Here's the ad, in case you're wondering if Cliff still has a goatee:

To give full disclosure, and in defense of Franken, I am an equal opportunity offender. To me, no one is off limits for a joke. Sure, context is everything - I do not condone malicious jokes for the sole purpose of tearing someone down - but humor that lets you see the hidden laughter in a situation is key to life for me. Otherwise, day to day living can get kinda depressing.
Take for instance a joke someone told me last week:
What happens when a Jew with an erection walks into a door? ... He breaks his nose.
Prejudice? Yes. But the joke is still funny to me because it is merely pointing out the absurdity of a particular stereotype. I still laugh at Arab terrorist, lawyer, and gay jokes despite all of these people in my close family. It might be wrong, but its just who I am... which some would say is kinda a hypocrite prick. And that's okay, because that is funny to me too.

The Undecided

2008-10-28T13:03:00.000-07:00

I'm a big fan of David Sedaris and his writing. His new short piece in the New Yorker about undecided voters is hilarious as usual. Here is an excerpt, but you really should check out the entire diatribe...

"To put them in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked."

If you like Sedaris as well, you should also think about picking up his audiobook "Holidays on Ice" for this upcoming holiday season. I startled the woman sitting beside me on my flight back home for x-mas last year because I burst out with laughter listening to it.

"Sarah Oh-Twelve!"

2008-10-28T12:31:00.000-07:00

This is the new rally cry at Palin rallies. And it is, as Inspector Clouseau would say, approprié. O-Twelve? Really? Maybe 012 B.C. She could spout all of her creationist ideas and family values, while getting her witch doctor friend to "take care of" this annoying little mystic from Nazareth. For the first time in her life she would be AHEAD of the learning curve. Barring any Bill and Ted phone booth rides back in time for Palin, I say she is stuck trying to run her own Walmart in 2012.

It tickles me to death that the GOP ticket is crumbling before our eyes. Politics - the entire industry - is nothing but self serving in this day and age. With the Republicans down almost 9 points in the polls with a week left the finger pointing has already started. Now come the reports that Palin is "a whack job" or a "diva." It looks like some staffers started to take Zed's gimp gag off and talk freely to the media. I can't wait to find out that Bristol's baby is actually John Edwards, and that Palin made the GOP fund her mini golf course at the Alaskan governor's mansion.

Blood is in the water Barack, but just make sure the American people are bleeding blue on Nov. 4th.

Death, Taxes and the Military

2008-10-28T12:12:00.000-07:00

Want to see where you hard earned tax dollars go? I don't now after seeing this interactive flow chart that graphically details every cent of federal tax dollars.
It is upsetting that the "IED Defeat Fund" for Iraq is almost as big as the budget to maintain and repair all of the bridges in America.

New Font

2008-10-27T15:54:00.000-07:00

Darrin sent me a new font:
Garamond Powerline

Me likey.

WIRED Round-Up

2008-10-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

Here are some things I thought were cool from the latest WIRED issue:

1. Urbanspoon Application for iphone - "Urbanspoon on the iPhone is part Magic 8 Ball, part slot machine. You shake your phone and it finds a good nearby restaurant for you. Keep shaking it until it comes back with something you want to try. "

2. White Whine blog - “Thanks, Wall Street. You killed my mutual funds and now I have to take the kids to the Bahamas instead of Aruba. We’re not even staying at Paradise Island!”

3. Starbucks junk art project - "What can you make out of the free stuff from Starbucks?"
Follow the link to enter.

4. Alinea - Grant Achatz's restaurant in Chicago. This French Laundry alum's menu looks both crazy and delicious. Article on it is here.

Don't Call it a Comeback

2008-10-22T13:06:00.000-07:00

Um... Yes please!

Famous Joe

2008-10-22T12:31:00.000-07:00

I did this drawing last week while I was doing some laundry. I'm not sure if "Shmoe" looks like Charlie Kaufman or a grown up Uzi from Royal Tennenbaums.

Watch Til the End

2008-10-17T12:19:00.001-07:00

Roshambo

2008-10-17T11:21:00.000-07:00

I'm going to see Oliver Stone's film "W" tonight. Much to my pleasure there have been some postings on the Huffington Post about the movie. Jeb Bush, for one, calls it "hooey." Timeout.

1) You are an adult male.
2) You hold a political office.
3) Under no fucking circumstance are you ever allowed to use the word "hooey."

Maybe all of this economical strain has made a "doodie" on your brain. He deserves a swift kick to the balls to remind him he is a grownup.

Another posting relays that Brolin does a great job to portray a man "whose quest for greatness eventually transforms him into an ultimately semi-sympathetic yet tragically clueless figure who neither achieves self-realization nor personal fulfillment." Sounds spot on.

Anyway, I am excited to see the movie and discuss it over some nice bourbon at the Arclight bar afterward.

Trailer:

Debate Recap

2008-10-16T19:02:00.001-07:00

Here are the highlights of last night's debate in case anyone missed it.

Joe the Plumber: The Game!

2008-10-16T12:22:00.000-07:00

I think that McCain's obsession with Joe the Plumber during last night's debate was actually a subconscious attempt to tap into the coveted video gamer demographic. As everyone knows, the most lucrative franchise of all time is based around the story of a little everyday Joe-6-pack turned plumber named Mario. Conflict ensues as a black beast from Illinois, I mean the Jungle where Mario had crashed his plane 20 years previous, kidnaps Princess America and threatens to bog down her budget with pork barrel spending like early child education and affordable health care.

Nintendo has virtually thought of everything.

PS - the notion of Obama as a monkey is not my own. A crazy dude from an Ohio McCain rally dressed up a Curious George doll like Obama while calling him a terrorist.

Team Ethics!

2008-10-15T12:37:00.000-07:00

Did you know...
That the McCain/Palin ticket is the first one in history to have both candidates convicted of ethics violations while in office? Check out the Washington Monthly for more info.

Also take a look at the Straight Talk on McCain blog for some interesting posts.

Yikes

2008-10-15T12:17:00.000-07:00

Via Mark.

See You in Divorce Court

2008-10-15T12:01:00.000-07:00

Some idiot in Tennessee secretly named his newborn baby "Sarah McCain Palin" behind his wife's back. They had decided on Eva Grace, but he changed his mind to "get the word out" about the GOP ticket.

Dropping the L-Bomb

2008-10-14T11:57:00.000-07:00

Rachel Maddow dropping the n-word of politics: liar!

At this point, Palin is beyond words for me. She couldn't even win president of the PTA if she lived in a town larger than 100,000 people.

She is America's vanity personified.

"I want someone just like me to run the country."

Guess what moron, you're not qualified.

America's First Fucktard

2008-10-13T16:24:00.000-07:00

In relation to my last post, I give the embarrassment that is Sarah Palin. At her rally in Richmond, VA there was a bit of a "confusion." Some of her supporters started to chant that they couldn't hear her, and Palin mistook them for protesters. She interrupted her prepared speech to interject her prepared comeback, "I hope those protesters have the courage and honor to give veterans thanks for their right to protest," she said.
Apparently the "first Dude" is just as intelligent as his witch doctor ordained counterpart.

Here is the link to more pictures like the one above.

THE Commonwealth

2008-10-13T11:44:00.000-07:00

The commonwealth of Virginia, my beloved home state, is adding few more battlegrounds within its historic borders. Hampton Roads in southeast Virginia, and south-west VA, a republican stronghold, have become hotly contested areas in this presidential election. Virginia joins the list of Ohio and Florida as the states many pundits are saying make or break this election.
It scares me that a Sarah Palin appearance in nearby Richmond Virginia had to be moved to the Nascar venue of Richmond International Speedway to accommodate her large following. For those of you who don't know the seating capacity at this monstrosity it is 112,029 people, or just a few seats bigger than the largest college football stadium in America. I shouldn't be too surprised though. In my 4 years of college at the University of Richmond the conservative ethos combined with the dirty underbelly of the confederacy where permanently present. I'll give 2 quick examples:

1) A Republican Student group held an affirmative action bake sale my freshman year. They sold cookies to white students for 50 cents and all minorities for 25 cents. They got a light slap on the wrist for being rude.
2) A statue of Arthur Ashe was placed on Monument Av. in 1996. Monument Av. has 3 other statues on it; Jefferson Davis, Stonewall Jackson, and Robert E. Lee - all Confederate generals. Many people showed up to protest the desecration of their southern landmarks.

Anyway, Obama now hopes that the hundreds of thousands of newly registered voters in places like Richmond and Hampton Roads can best the military friends and family who support McCain. I'm sure McCain is talking out of both sides of his mouth, since he wants to decrease defense spending which would cut a lot of defense contract jobs in the Hampton Roads area.
To do my part, I am posting this video. Friends and family in VA, my favorite commonwealth, please forward on to others in your area. Encourage them to vote. And if they want to vote for McCain, tell them to remember that when God gives them AIDES, that they should make Lemon-AIDES.

The Onion

2008-10-13T11:14:00.001-07:00

The Onion is doing videos now? Oh internet, do you have a tipping point?

12-Year-Old Boy Scouts Volunteer To Give Women Breast Exams

5 Signs of the Apocolypse

2008-10-13T09:53:00.000-07:00

Here are what I like to call 5 signs of the Apocalypse or 5 signs that America is dumb enough to vote for McCain:

1) Sarah Palin has her own Porno.

2)Beverly Hills Chihuahua was #1 at the box office for the 2nd straight week.

3) Mickey Rourke is gonna win an Oscar.

4) Somebody let THIS DUDE talk to a reporter.

5) Captain Kangaroo was at the center of Troopergate.

Dark Knight Trailer Re-Cut

2008-10-10T12:23:00.000-07:00

Excellent job of re-cutting Toy Story trailer to Dark Knight:

An Open Letter to SNL

2008-10-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

I saw this open letter on a internet forum, and thought I should re-post it:

Dear Saturday Night Live,
I appreciate your effort and concern about the presidential campaign this year, and your witty satire of those involved has been great. However, please allow me to digress on the subject of Keenan Thompsan.
Please stop putting him in skits. Please. He is worse than Michael Phelps and about as hilarious as the bailout plan. Lorne Michaels has historically been on point when casting his token black comic, but this time he was way, way off. Stop it. You are killing your show. Getting rid of Horatio Sans was a step in the right direction, but now you have to make it count. The people need more Kristen Wigg, Jason Sedakis and Bill Hader. Less Keenan. He is showing up in more skits than anyone else on the program. He gets more face time than the guest host. I know that his previous Nickelodeon audience is now your prime demographic, but they have GROWN UP. Please send him back to a remake of "Hey Dude" and call it a day.
Oh yeah, Casey Wilson's gotta go too.

Thanks,

John Q. Public

I'd have to say I agree.

Wanna Feel Sick?

2008-10-09T15:43:00.000-07:00

Watch this video:

This is why the world hates us. We breed and harbor morons like this in our country, and occasionally give them tv shows on FOX News. You could lobotomize chimps that would have more intelligence than these people.

Oh Canada

2008-10-09T10:56:00.000-07:00

Serious about taking this seriously.

Republican Cancer

2008-10-09T10:09:00.000-07:00

Great stuff from conservative David Brooks on Sarah Palin and Barack Obama. He basically tells a room full of conservatives that Palin represents a flaw in their party of anti-intellectualism that reminds him of Bush. He compounds this by stating that Obama, despite being a mediocre senator, is unparalleled in surrounding himself with the best people by using his incredible skills of social perception. Nail on head.

Hit the Deck! It's CHARLIE!

2008-10-08T17:08:00.000-07:00

Everyone is talking about "That one" today, but I want to bring up another subject. The senility of John McCain. I'm not trying to say that at some point in his life McCain wasn't a quick witted, spunky SOB, but there are certain realities we must not forget. If elected, McCain would be the oldest president in history. That's right, OLDER than even Ronald Reagan whose competency went on a sharp decline through his presidential years. Not to mention Reagan had a fairly charmed life as an actor and was someone who took care of his body. McCain, on the other hand, has crashed 3 planes, survived 3 skin cancers, 5 years in a Vietnamese POW camp and made it through the 60's without an STD. Granted, he is a survivor, but he's no Methuselah. Every president in modern history ages in dog years during their tenure at the white house. Bill Clinton went in with the appearance of a mid 40's male and came out looking like an college buddy of Robert Byrd's. The US presidency is the most stressful and hardest job in the free world, and in order to stand up to the rigors of the job you must be in top form. I feel like if McCain wins it will be like that scene in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade where that dude drinks holy water from the wrong cup and immediately shrivels up and turns to dust.

A similar question is, how can someone with McCain's life story NOT be affected by it? 3 plane crashes and 5 years in a POW camp are more than enough to be any psychologist's wet dream. Below is a video of another instance of McCain showing off some of the chinks in his well chiseled PR armor:

Or maybe he is a fortune telling genius that knew he would be in this position years in advance, and has been rehearsing that speech since Hanoi.

Debate Drinking Game, Obama the Terrorist

2008-10-07T10:00:00.000-07:00

For many, this political season is driving us over our boiling point to seek solace in the last legal drug, alcohol. For this reason, I am posting the rules to the official drinking game for the second presidential debate.

Another fun way to assure you are paying attention to all of the talking points is to play debate bingo. Here is a sample card, and the link to some others.

The Palin/McCain ticket is doing it's best to prepare for this debate by ratcheting up their smear campaign. The ugliness of their rhetoric has finally spread to the Sirhan Sirhan stage, enticing some McCain rally supporters to call for Obama's death. Palin rallies are just as bad. Dana Milbank writes:

Worse, Palin's routine attacks on the media have begun to spill into ugliness. In Clearwater, arriving reporters were greeted with shouts and taunts by the crowd of about 3,000. Palin then went on to blame Katie Couric's questions for her "less-than-successful interview with kinda mainstream media." At that, Palin supporters turned on reporters in the press area, waving thunder sticks and shouting abuse. Others hurled obscenities at a camera crew. One Palin supporter shouted a racial epithet at an African American sound man for a network and told him, "Sit down, boy."

Maybe McCain will let his temper get the best of him tonight and call Obama an Uncle Tom. Which probably wouldn't be the best strategy to win independent voters, but "you betcha" it would strike home with his base! The "Straight Talk Express" would have to settle in Arizona instead of DC at that point. To quote my hero Bill Murray, "Morons, your bus is leaving."

Glass Houses

2008-10-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

Keith Olberman's "Special Comment" about Palin bringing up Obama's relationship to terrorists and racists:

In addition to the 90 yr old that shot herself, a guy in CA killed his whole family after being jobless for months. Are we gonna see people jumping off Wall St. buildings soon too?

Below the Fold

2008-10-06T17:00:00.001-07:00

I read a good article by Joe Klein from Time.com about the state of John McCain's campaign. He says
"Their strategy is simple: you throw crap against a wall and then giggle as the media try to analyze the putresence in a way that conveys a sense of balance: "Well, it is bull-pucky, but the splatter pattern is interesting..." which, of course, only serves to get your perverse message out."

The negative message of McCain only helps to keep the focus off his own shortcomings, to which he has many. I read the Rolling Stone cover story, "Make Believe Maverick", that paints a terrible view of the GOP nominee's life story. If you think "W" has daddy issues and an inferiority complex, McCain neurosis are ten fold. Here is a link to the author of the piece giving a bit of background if you don't have time to read the entire story.

An Obama supporter stopped me on the street today and I gave her the only $20 bill I had in my pocket. That is how much I want Obama to win.

Snarky Snark

2008-10-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

The is the best thing SNL has done in a while. It is very reminiscent of Brian Fellows, if you liked that kind of thing. Here it is if you missed it on Saturday:

Diagram This

2008-10-01T21:30:00.000-07:00

Last second post, sent to me by Mary.
An "amateur language buff" at SLATE has diagrammed the sentences of Sarah Palin. Inside the jargon of jughead, here.

Debate Camp

2008-10-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

I am going out of town for the rest of the week, and will not be able to post, so I leave you with these final thoughts before tomorrow's debate.
First, a video. Here is Palin's leaked unaired segment with Couric in which she cannot name another Supreme Court Case besides Roe v. Wade. I'm surprised she didn't at least know the Scopes Monkey Trial. That is totally in her bat-shit crazy wheelhouse.

I would give ANYTHING to be a fly on the wall for Sarah Palin's study sessions for the debate. Quid Pro Quo - If being highly educated makes you an elitist, how do you justify educating yourself for this debate? Wouldn't you be turning yourself in to the one thing you hate most? We shall see if Joe-6 pack's hockey mom can transform into Metternich for her battle against Joey the shark.

To help her for those last minute adderall induced cram sessions I made some flash cards.

My guess is that she wins third place in the Special Olympics at the the debate (meaning she doesn't cross with McCain on any major issue or start crying when they ask her to find Afghanistan on a map) and all the pundits pat her on the back and declare her the victor.

Jesus v. T-Rex

2008-09-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

Stolen from Twitter, but too good not to repost:

Favorite part - the coloring hint titled "Flesh of Christ." I'm not sure Crayola makes that one.

Cute Overload

2008-09-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

If you are stressed out, having a bad day, or just in need of a digital snuggle, this website is for you.

CUTE OVERLOAD!

This is why the internet was invented.

How to Make Whoopi Goldberg Look Like John Locke

2008-09-30T15:11:00.000-07:00

The ladies at The View are continuing to market their show to the "too sophisticated for Springer but still think Opera is an elitist" crowd by letting Elizabeth and Sherri talk more often. With Barbara Walters out, Rocky and Bullwinkle got to interview Bill Maher about his views on Sarah Palin, Wall St., and the topic of his new movie Religulous. Putting these two and a camera in front of Maher is like giving a pyromaniac a handful of roman candles... someone is going to get hurt. Whoopi, on the other hand, preached tolerance with the elegance of her Comic Relief IV stage performance. I have posted the segment here for you:

Once again, Maher can be a misogynistic prick sometimes, but at least he uses logic, science and realism more often then the two "bimbos" on the right.
Hassleback is going to fit right in at her rumored new job, as an anchor on Fox News. It just goes to show you it doesn't take a genius to marry a quarterback.

BLINK!

2008-09-29T19:35:00.000-07:00

Its very hard for me to take economic advice from someone who does not blink. Like the guy in the S&K suit in this video:

The World Needs Ditch Diggers Too

2008-09-29T13:31:00.000-07:00

In the midst of our economy crumbling like saltine cracker, I only have a few things for you this Monday.

Top Five Reasons Against the Bailout Plan.

Roger Ebert thinks McCain is rude.

GOP is Sensitive. Who Knew?

I made this video this morning to demonstrate what I hear when I listen to McCain talk. What can I say, I am easily distracted by idiosyncrasies in people's mannerisms and speech.
**Please note, that since my computer crashed on Friday, I am working from my laptop. This means I basically cut this video together without being able to see any of it.

8 Surprises from Colbert

2008-09-26T13:13:00.000-07:00

The Colbert Report writing team shows their genius once more:

8 Possible Election-Year 'October Surprises'

1. Sarah Palin wins debate using knowledge from Snapple Cap Facts.

2. Bill Clinton endorses Obama.

3. In an effort to appear younger and more hip, John McCain releases a sex ''talkie.''

4. Oak leaves suspend color-turning campaign until financial crisis is resolved. Urge maple leaves to do the same.

5. Sarah Palin turns out to have an embarrassing Ivy League-educated, immensely qualified sibling.

6. Lindsay Lohan goes back to dudes.

7. Osama bin Laden walks into Wasilla, Alaska police station to turn self in. Says, ''I would have been here sooner if you had a decent bridge.''

8. October admits it’s actually January. Election starts all over again.

Rape in Wasilla

2008-09-25T12:07:00.000-07:00

I know this story is a little old but...
To add insult to major injury, if you are raped in Wasilla, Alaska you have to pay for your own test results. I'm sure that makes the record number of abused and raped women in that state feel like jumping forward to punish their tormentors.

Between this and the salem witch trials of Sarah Palin's old church, she should be back at home in her mom jeans reading excerpts of Leviticus to Track in no time. Permanently.

VOTE McCLANE!

2008-09-24T18:55:00.000-07:00

"Now I have a political team. Ho-Ho-Ho."
McCLANE in 2008!

I'm stealing most of my posts now from Wesley, Mary's friend.

They Don't Make Em Like They Used To

2008-09-24T13:46:00.000-07:00

Thanks Immediate Regret!

From My Twitter Friends

2008-09-24T12:17:00.000-07:00

Want to find out what your name would be had you joined the notorious Wu-Tang clan???
Try here.

Have a million dollar idea? Google will make it $10 Million. Fame and fortune is here.

McCain camp ghost writing letters to editors. Encourage LYING? Never. Check it.

RACONTUERS

2008-09-23T14:17:00.000-07:00

Ok. I admit it. I have a man crush on Jack White. Ever since I heard "Fell in Love with a Girl" back in college I have been obsessed with any track Jack has been involved with. I got the Racontuers Broken Boy Soldier album 2 weeks before it was released on bootleg, saw Cold Mountain in theater, and can tell you his birthday from memory (July 9th, also my mother's birthday).
I went to see the Racontuers concert last night in LA at the Greek theater. I don't know if it was the alcohol or Jack's innate ability to connect with the crowd that had my mind wondering. I was sitting there in the audience watching the performance, and all of these seemingly exaggerated sentiments started popping up in my head. Things like:

• This is the best concert I have ever been too.
• Jack White is everything it means to be a rock and roll star.
• I love Meg, but the music that the Racontuers make is epic. Why didn't he ditch her sooner.
• I can't tell if Jack is playing the guitar or my soul up there.

Admittedly, pretty drunk. But, I couldn't suppress these thoughts. The performance I was watching put forth this fountain of "Jack White Stalker" quotes in my brain.

As a side note, one of my favorite little moments from the concert last night had nothing to do with music. There was a couple sitting in front of me and the guy was ROCKING out hard. Imagine a frat boy who just heard his favorite jam and was closing his eyes to experience his own personal ecstasy. Then imagine his prudish girlfriend, hooded sweatshirt tied over her shoulders, staring at him with a "why am I with him face" for 2 minutes. It was amazing. He didn't open his eyes for so long, and she SO badly wanted to maker her point known that she was freaked out by his convulsions, that this scene literally lasted minutes. I loved it.

Needless to say I loved the concert. I would go on tour with that band in a heartbeat. I would love nothing more than to make their next concert DVD, or music video, or viral web content. I know a dude who got backstage passes for tonight's show, and I'm thinking about giving him the old Talented Mr. Ripley routine in order to meet my man crush.

For those not privy to the Racontuers or Jack, here are a couple videos.

White Stripes on Charlie Rose:

His Name is Henry Paulson

2008-09-22T12:02:00.000-07:00

"I get it. In death, members of Project Mayhem have a name. His name," is Henry Paulson. His name is Henry Paulson. (Alltogethernow!) His name is Henry Paulson.
Project Mayhem's new, more focused goal is too bring Wall St. back from the dead, not end all consumerist tendencies of America. Secretary of Treasury Dr. Phil doppleganger Henry Paulson is pushing hard for his $700 billion plan to go through. As a person who has never taken out a loan, paid an ounce of mortgage, or even owned a stock, I must claim complete ignorance on the details of this bailout. To read more specifics about Paulson's plan checkout The American Prospect article here.

It scares the be-atheist out of me that the bill includes this kind of language:

"Decisions by the Secretary pursuant to the authority of this Act are non-reviewable and committed to agency discretion, and may not be reviewed by any court of law or any administrative agency."

Jason Linkins summarizes this way, "In short, the so-called "mother of all bailouts," which will transfer $700 billion taxpayer dollars to purchase the distressed assets of several failed financial institutions, will be conducted in a manner unchallengeable by courts and ungovernable by the People's duly sworn representatives. All decision-making power will be consolidated into the Executive Branch - who, we remind you, will have the incentive to act upon this privilege as quickly as possible, before they leave office." Yikes. Montesquieu is rolling over in his grave. Yet another crisis that just so happens to put more power in the executive branch. Hopefully if I make it to 50 I can see the crowning of the Bush Twins as the first "Queens of the New World Republic."

Wolfgang Suckle

2008-09-19T00:47:00.000-07:00

A restaurant in Switzerland will be serving meals cooked with BREAST MILK! If lactose didn't upset my stomach so much I think I know where my next summer vacation would be...

"We have all been raised on it. Why should we not include it into our diet?" Hans Locher, who has become Switzerland most controversial restaurant owner, said.

Hans Locher, aka Hannibal Lector, then added, "Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, mum, when your little girl is on the slab, where will it tickle you?"

Cuntry First

2008-09-18T16:49:00.000-07:00

Give a hockey mom an inch... and she takes a mile. Today, Sarah Palin "misspoke" and put her name first on the ticket. I can't imagine what her doormat husband has to endure at this point in the marriage. Nightly rubdowns with mandatory listening sessions, day long spectacle cleanings, family Lamaze classes ect. I just hope he doesn't kill himself before the election so the Republicans can pick more single parent votes.

Let Them Eat Cake

2008-09-18T11:21:00.000-07:00

Mary and I's last names might appear in "4 Christmases"! They needed a made up law firm name to put on a Christmas party cake and they used Rohlich and Tweel. No promises that it will make it in the movie, but it has a pretty good shot.

Trailer:

Good Read & Blog Stealing

2008-09-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

I stole this from my friend Mark Lisanti's blog, but since no one but my family reads this blog, I am reposting it here. Mark is more hilarious than me, you should check out his blog. There is a link to it on the right hand side of this page.
Its over there ->.
Just click on it.
George Saunders has a great piece in the the New Yorker titled "My Gal."
Here is an excerpt:

"So, when Barack Obama says he will put some lipstick on my pig, I am, like, Are you calling me a pig? If so, thanks! Pigs are the most non-Élite of all barnyard animals. And also, if you put lipstick on my pig, do you know what the difference will be between that pig and a pit bull? I’ll tell you: a pit bull can easily kill a pig. And, as the pig dies, guess what the Hockey Mom is doing? Going to her car, putting on more lipstick, so that, upon returning, finding that pig dead, she once again looks identical to that pit bull, which, staying on mission, the two of them step over the dead pig, looking exactly like twins, except the pit bull is scratching his lower ass with one frantic leg, whereas the Hockey Mom is carrying an extra hockey stick in case Todd breaks his again. But both are going, like, Ha ha, where’s that dumb pig now? Dead, that’s who, and also: not a smidge of lipstick.

A lose-lose for the pig.

There’s a lesson in that, I think."

Great stuff.